Irksome Documentary.

I just watched a "documentary-interview" based series on Channel News Asia that irked me alot...

Firstly, it was downright stupid.

The start of the show begun with, "There have been a surge in doomsday prediction by netizens lately - mainly Christians, who believe that the worldwide phenomenal rate of disasters herald the end."

SO, they go interview this "so-called" expert to pacify the rest of Singapore.

Tra-la-la...

Throughout the entire interview, he keeps saying, "There is no cause for worry.. blah blah blah."

And apart from one parenthesis, he gave NO reason not to worry except through that same empty statement.

1) There is a scientific explanation to all this. The cause of this intensive wet weather is due to El Nino. A weather phenomenon which happens every decade or so, bringing intense rainfall.

Whats wrong with this hypothesis? - Its like telling people the reason why 2 + 2 = 4 is because 1 + 1 = 2. It doesn't explain anything at all!

Yes. You've just confirmed that this is a natural disaster. But you never explained is there massive flooding in Johor in 2006, massive flooding in New Orleans in 2005, tsuanami throughout East Asia in 2004 and earthquakes in India in 2003.

Is this scientifically possible? The answer is NO.

Global warming isnt the answer to why there are increasing earthquakes, lightning storms, and shifting plates.

EVEN IF it is the answer, and even if the human race did bring it upon themselves, WHY the sudden upsurge in the recent years? - why the sudden MASSIVE upsurge in the recent years?


I just HAD to post this blog entry.

I really can't stand ignorent Christians who believe that they are living in an endless utopia.

Its stupid. Can't you see the signs?

Its freaking obvious.



NOBODY knows when the time will come. BUT we know for sure that it is coming soon.

In this generation - or the next.

pooh bear

all of you have heard about pooh bear and how cute he looks and all .... with his friends in the woods, he and his honey pot and red shirt, piglet, rabbit, tigger... and so on

well something strange came to me last night as in a thought ....

why does pooh bear eats honey ....

his a soft toy and does he even have a digestive system ???

well i dun know

something to ponder about

o to the people at disney, please dun sue me ..... haha

ps. if you eat protein powder and dun excerise, you will only get fat not muscles.....

and also if you dun excerise at all, you muscles will underago a process where it will become smaller... hehehe

Of Sensationalism and Rationalisation

You know, there are so many people who think they know so much about the media, and thus, they have the right to judge what is right or wrong in the media - or how they think the media should do stuff.

I feel like laughing at them sometimes...

My 3+ months of working in the Press has opened my eyes so much to the world of breaking events, journalism and sensationalism that I realize that school is nothing compared to the real experience.

The New Paper, crowning glory of sensational news in Singapore, only rivalled by Xin Ming Wan Bao.

What on earth is the motivation behind sensationalism and is it actually a deviation from standard, professional journalism?...

FIRST. Tell me how many people would buy a newspaper that writes on the headlines -
"Stock Market Index rose by 0.3%, China Has Acquired US Stocks".

Almost 75% of the population in Singapore would take a brief glance, and probably erase it from their memories for the rest of their life. - Much less buy the paper.

HOWEVER, is that newsworthy for a headline? YES.
Acquisition of US stocks would mean that China has surpassed the US Wall Street Index, and literally taken over the US in terms of economic power. And the 0.3% increase (which is ALOT)
, would thus be attributed mainly to China's economy.

But who would even bother to pay attention to such a headline? People would much prefer to have stuff like, "NKF Loses Suite, Thousands of Dollars Gone".

HOWEVER, this stuff is temporary, and a few thousand dollars gone would be nothing compared to the vast impact that China would make on businesses in Singapore.

But when people are interested, they BUY the newspaper, the READ the newspaper, and the "STUMBLE" across that article which is so much more essential then various hotheads suing each other in court.

The primary job of the press is NOT to cater to what people want to read (sensationalism), rather, their job is to make sure that the people are well informed on important news that can potentially affect them. Thus, the purpose of senstionalism serves a greater purpose.



Then STOMP comes along, and its labelled the Queen of Sensationalism.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.... Its really hilarious once you think of it...

WE are not the journalists... YOU are! And you're calling us an inethical publication because we put up news that YOU send in for us?

Its hilarious. Really.

Aww... c'mon! Don't give that black face! *smile!*




Anywayz, I think I've made a good friend recently, haha... he shares alot of the same interests as me, and we get along super well!



hmm... so many people has been asking me to go out with them to shop for new year clothes...

I wonder what should I wear for Chinese New Year...

There are some changes I want to make to my wardrobe this year....... advice me no?

Achieve. Me.

Bleah~ You all must have noticed that I have not been blogging for a long time...

Sigh... work is taking a rather large toll on me... But I dont have much choice now, as I have already signed on the dotted line and handed my life over to the press...

Anywayz, on a less depressing note, FINALLY, I realized that guys start to notice me on the train... especially after my gymming sessions..

wahaha. hmm... no lah, I'm just feeling happy that my effort is visibly paying off...

But just 2 days ago, a guy just pissed me off really badly... he msn-ed me and said

him : "I want to get your type of body leh, how to train until like that?"

me : "go gym lor, set up a basic routine and plan out your resistant training sessions properly"

him : "you got alot of time to go gym meh. I think its not your gym training leh"

me : "err... then?"

him : "you got protein and stuff lor!"

me : "diaoz -.- even if you have those stuff, you need to have heavy resistant training to activate its potential"

him : "then you got good body lor!"

me : "no lor, i think my boyfriend has a much better suited body for resistance... you shouldnt attribute these stuffs to things outside training."

him : "I cannot go gym leh, can I just eat protein powder?"

me : "..."

*ignores him for the rest of the day

Frankly, I have not reached my dream body yet. And its still far, FAR from it...

but its working =)

at least I can wear sleeveless and gym attire, and actually look GOOD in it.



hmm.. frankly, there are a few people I want to meet in my life now to give them an utter shock.

1) Ms. Tiong - My primary school teacher who said I would not become anything in life, announced to the world I'm a good for nothing, and failed all my tests without bothering to explain why.

2) Kah Weng - My secondary school classmates who always used to flaunt his biceps and strength - at me. While mocking me that I was "ah gua" (gay) and would never reach that standard. I think I can use 3 fingers to hold him down now.

3) Mdm. Seah - My secondary school English teacher, who was one of the few teachers who told me she believed in me, actually believed in me, and did her utmost to push my linguistic potential to its maximum... if not for her, I can bet I'd never have came this far.

4) Ms Koh - My sec 3 and 4 form teacher who is extremely smart and gifted in mathematics, and could make ANY maths topic, no matter how boring and difficult, into something fun... and actually interesting... She inspired me not to drop Additional Mathematics and I actually passed it, - from a constant F9 to a C6.


I can't think of anymore.. but there are many people who impacted my life in so many different ways...


The founder of Apple, Steve Jobs said in an inspiring speech, that :

Life is a blank sheet of paper, every obstacle, every impact, every little event that changes you is a small dot.
Some changes maybe for the better, some changes may have affected you badly.... But at the end of the day, when you join the dots together, you get a beautiful picture...
A picture that you painted yourself through the dots that other people have done in your life...

Every dot leads to where you are now...

Without one dot, the picture will be different.

Every failure is another step towards success in life.
Every success is a culmination of a series of failures.

Even in gymming terms, the point "reps till failure" shows that the human body has to fail, in order to reach its maximum potential...



Success is just success. But failure tells you that you've not reached the end of the road yet.

Masquerade!

Masquerade!
Paper faces on parade . . .
Masquerade!
Hide your face,
so the world will
never find you!

Masquerade!
Every face a different shade . . .
Masquerade!
Look around -
there's another
mask behind you!

Flash of mauve . . .
Splash of puce . . .
Fool and king . . .
Ghoul and goose . . .
Green and black . . .
Queen and priest . . .
Trace of rouge . . .
Face of beast . . .

Faces . . .
Take your turn, take a ride
on the merry-go-round . . .
in an inhuman race . . .
Eye of gold . . .
Thigh of blue . . .
True is false . . .
Who is who . . .?
Curl of lip . . .
Swirl of gown . . .
Ace of hearts . . .
Face of clown . . .

Faces . . .
Drink it in, drink it up,
till you've drowned
in the light . . .
in the sound . . .
But who can name the face . . .?

Masquerade!
Grinning yellows,
spinning reds . . .
Masquerade!
Take your fill -
let the spectacle
astound you!

Masquerade!
Burning glances,
turning heads . . .
Masquerade!
Stop and stare
at the sea of smiles
around you!

Masquerade!
Seething shadows
breathing lies . . .
Masquerade!
You can fool
any friend who
ever knew you!

Masquerade!
Leering satyrs,
peering eyes . . .
Masquerade!
Run and hide -
but a face will
still pursue you!

What a night
What a crowd!
Makes you glad!
Makes you proud!
All the creme
de la creme!
Watching us watching them!
And all our fears
are in the past!
Six months...
Of relief!
Of delight!
Of Elysian peace!
And we can breathe at last!
No more notes!
No more ghost!
Here's a health!
Here's a toast:
to a prosperous year!
To the new chandelier!
And may its
splendour never fade!
Six months!
What a joy!
What a change!
What a blessed release!
And what a masquerade!

Masquerade!
Paper faces on parade!
Masquerade!
Hide your face,
so the world will
never find you!

Masquerade!
Every face a different shade!
Masquerade!
Look around -
There's another
mask behind you!

Masquerade!
Burning glances,
turning heads . . .
Masquerade!
Stop and stare
at the sea of smiles
around you!

Masquerade!
Grinning yellows,
spinning reds . . .
Masquerade!
Take your fill -
let the spectacle
astound you

dancing in the moonlight

Dancing in the moon, everybodys dancing in the moonlight......

i bet everyone has heard this song before...... its a popular song that many people know about people just doing what they like. in this case dancing in the moonlight. well in singapore can the moonlight even be seen..... i think that we are too brightly litted up.... not many people can see the stars and other stuff up in the sky .... at most the only thing we see are planes... with the red and blue blinking lights......

anyway im not against the bright lights... i mean its nice in the city and all .... but sometimes i just wish that the night sky was actually dark with the star brightly lit and thats the only light i see ... i guess the only place i can do that is the outback..... hmmm

do, do that thing you do, breakign my heart into a million peices, and something something... hmmm

ok im not talkign abt andrew breakign my heart im talking abt the song ... heheh

hahaha

as you can guess im typing this while listening to a song

well see you

Somebody tell me I'm insane.

I accepted the job offer.

Now, I'm going to be working at SPH for $800 a month.

*wacks head*



I dont even know whats wrong with me... =/

Love, God.

1. "Let's Meet At My House Sunday Before the Game" - God

2. "C'mon Over And Bring The Kids" - God

3. "What Part of "Thou Shalt Not..." Didn't You Understand?" - God

4. "We Need To Talk" - God

5. "Keep Using My Name in Vain And I'll Make Rush Hour Longer" - God

6. "Loved The Wedding, Invite Me To The Marriage" - God

7. "That "Love Thy Neighbor" Thing, I Meant It." - God

8. "I Love You...I Love You...I Love You..." - God

9. "Will The Road You're On Get You To My Place?" - God

10. "Follow Me." - God

11. "Big Bang Theory, You've Got To Be Kidding." - God

12. "My Way Is The Highway." - God

13. "Need Directions?" - God

14. "You Think It's Hot Here?" - God

15. "Tell The Kids I Love Them." - God

16. "Need a Marriage Counselor? I'm Available." - God

17. "Have You Read My #1 Best Seller? There Will Be A Test." - God

Get the Message?

paper

a piece of paper... made of tree bark and other stuff... flatten and warmth until it is able to be written on.... be it white or black, red or green, blue or purple. its still paper. however, there is this one piece of paper that is of more importance. its the paper which states who you are, what level you have studied to. it is important as your life.

in singapore few can deny that the paper is important. when you apply for a job the paper is important. not only that paper is important, the paper which puts what other people think of you is also important. its strange though.... shouldnt we not be bais of what the persons level of knowledge is? i mean is it right to judge a person that is from a different education level ??? i mean does it mean that a person from RJ is much better then a person from a normal school ? it could be in terms of marks. but how about personality ???

the world is strange. mayb its just the asian mentality that education what brings you forward. however i fine that education is important but so is havign an important life with a personality that is used to help others.

i think people shouldnt just judge people on their education status but on what they can do. sometimes people who have a lower education might have a better skill and knowledge compared to people who have a higher education...... life is about living with one another and helping one another. if you have used your education just to help yourself then you have not fulfiled life. if that whats makes you happy and you can live with yourself doign that then carry on.

Lost in Transition

I'm feeling quite lost...
Really lost...

*cries*

If feels like I've been gazing at a beautiful bubble for a really long time... and it suddenly burst. And I shake my head and look around... and I realized I have nothing...

In DMC, I had my classmates... they were my family, my friends... I knew that they would be there if I had any problems, and I knew that if I needed help, I could always turn to them...

Then I came to STOMP... I thought I had finally found a place where I could actually call "home"..

It... was my dream place to work in...

Everybody is nice, the work is fun, and despite the long hours, everybody works hard...

That was because I was an intern... having that small amount of allowance, which barely could feed me a month was enough, because my final objective wasn't about pay - it was about getting a shining "A" and a nice portfolio to follow...

After 26 January, I will not be an intern anymore...

I will be a full fledged staff of Singapore press holdings. With the psychotic working hours and late night shootings, weekend overdrive and heavy logistics...

All this, for approximately $45 a day. Which amounts up to less then $800 a month without CPF..

$800 divided by [9 hours (minimum per day) x 5 days (minimum per week) x 4 (weeks)]
= <$3.50 cents per hour.

45 hours a week is the minimum, which can go up to a maximum of over 60 hours a week.

Wouldnt that cause me to be earning less then $3 per hour?

Even MacDonalds staff can do better...


The reason why I'm in a dillema, and not outrightly rejecting the offer is because:
1) I love the people at STOMP
2) I love the work at STOMP
3) I will be able to write in my job experience as "Worked for Singapore Press Holding as an AV Producer".


They will not offer me any higher, not even that of a university intern (which is allowance as well), or an A level graduate...

Thats because I "have not" completed my diploma yet.

And until I get the slip of evidence that I have completed my diploma, they will not offer me any higher...


and the problem is because of the extremely slow polytechnic administration, I would most likely obtain my diploma AFTER I'M IN THE ARMY.

like wtf for.


what can I do with $800 a month???

even a toilet cleaner would be able works less and earn more then me.

=/

*sigh*

Love.

The fear of giving and receiving love...

We fear giving 100 percent because we fear losing control. We tell ourselves if we love another person with all our heart, they will take advantage of us, or they will take us for granted, or I will not be able to make them do what I want anymore, or they will not love me back... So we hold back. We think we can play the game of giving the other person a little taste of the good stuff, and then give them more if they do something we like, or withhold if they do something we don’t like. Or we withhold to keep them on their toes, to keep them guessing so they would love us more. Or we set preconditions: we will give 100 percent only if there is total commitment. We forget that love that is withheld will simply wilt and wither and eventually, we do not give not because we choose not to, but because we have no love left in our hearts.

Or we fear receiving 100 percent because we fear the loss. We tell ourselves if they found out who we really are, they will no longer love us, so better not open our heart to receive or the loss will be too painful. We push people away and play hard to get. We show our ugly side little by little, if they are willing to accept that, then we will accept their love a little more. It becomes a game of ‘how much bad dynamics can I make this relationship sustain and still keep it limping on’. Or we set secret targets to see if they meet them, or secret traps to see if they would trip. We would rather kill love than to face our fear of receiving it. Some might even fear both giving and receiving and play both contradicting games at the same time, flipping from one to the other at the drop of a hat.

~ Excerpt Taken from Fridae.com


I guess that I happen to fall into that trap quite alot... and I'm reall guilty about it....

this quote taken from Fridae.com really woke me up..

The reason why we can't love, is because we fear love...

how much do we know?

how much can we give?

how much can we receive?

.... I just don't know....

me

first post

this is me

HoRosCopEs!!!! xD

General
Taurus is symbolized by the Bull. You may be stubborn, but your grounded, steady demeanor makes you someone others can count on. You're also a sensualist who loves good food, physical affection, romance and material goods -- and only the best of everything.

Friendship
When they say they're your best friend forever, the Bull means it. They take childhood friendship oaths seriously, and still have the other half of that charm necklace in which are inscribed the words "Best Friends Forever." Their friendship stands the test of time, and many Taurean friends have been this devoted since childhood. Constant, steady, loyal and devoted, this friend will stand by you through life. If you need to call someone to pick you up in the middle of a snowy night because your car broke down, Taurus will be there in a flash, hot cocoa in gloved hand. Be warned, though, this is only if you've proven yourself to be as loyal a friend to them as they are to you. It's a case of them scratching your back if you scratch theirs. Taurus makes a steady friend, but be careful not to arouse their jealousy. This Fixed Sign will be possessive of their buddies and aren't so likely to understand the old adage that "absence makes the heart grow fonder." You'll find a wonderful friend in Taurus, so long as you don't cancel any plans at the last minute.

Best Friend Bets: Pisces, Cancer

Random facts
# Fond of all things pretty, whether it's in their home, at a museum or on the stage.

# The sappiest of sentimentalists.

# Tend toward conservatism, often seen in their day-to-day behavior. No far-out schemes (that's Air) or shrieking ultimatums (more like Fire) here.

# If in a hissy fit can get pretty argumentative, but will eventually calm down and come back to center, since they'd much rather be Zen.

# Far prefer to take each day slowly and steadily and work toward their ultimate goal.

# True romantics and loyal to the core.

The Path of a Leader

Standing for what you believe in,
Regardless of the odds against you,
and the pressure that tears at your resistance,
... means courage.

Keeping a smile on your face,
When inside you feel like dying,
For the sake of supporting others,
... means strength.

Stopping at nothing,
And doing what's in your heart,
You know is right,
... means determination.

Doing more than is expected,
To make another's life a little more bearable,
Without uttering a single complaint,
... means compassion.

Helping a friend in need,
No matter the time or effort,
To the best of your ability,
... means loyalty.

Giving more than you have,
And expecting nothing,
But nothing in return,
... means selflessness.

Holding your head high,
And being the best you know you can be
When life seems to fall apart at your feet,
Facing each difficulty with the confidence
That time will bring you better tomorrows,
And never giving up,
... means confidence.

14 Months.

Fourteen Months.

Four Hundred and Twenty Seven Days.

Ten Thousand Two Hundred and Fourty Eight Hours.

Six Hundred and Twelve Thousand, Eight Hundred and Eighty Eight Minutes.

Thirty Six Million, Eight Hundred and Ninety Two Thousand, Eight Hundred Seconds.


Yup, this is how long we have been together...

Happy Fourteenth Month dear. We've beaten countless odds that have threatened to tear us apart... but still, we held on to each other...

The thing that makes us special is that we are both afraid of one thing.

- To lose each other.

Love never fails.

In a way; I was telling my Nicky didi yesterday, the relationship between Dominic and me is somewhat a reflection of Romeo and Juliet.

Both our parents are severely against it - because of tradition,
Both sides of friends want us to be together, so they try everything to be together.

We both are tied down by school and work, and we try so hard to find a bit of time just to be together every now and then.

Most of all, we love each other deeply.


Some people tell me that if they were in my shoes, they would've given up a long, long time ago...
Rightfully, most people would.

but, they do not understand why.

I don't understand why too...

All I know is that I love him, alot. Too much to let go.......





*hugs*
If time stopped, and the world ceased to spin. I'll take you in my arms and carry you away. I'll wipe every tear from your eyes, and I'll carry you when you fall....

I'll be your knight in shining armour... as you will be mine.

Female Chauvinist Pigs!! *(FCP)*

This book caught my eye when I was browsing with RJ in Popular recently.

FEMALE CHAUVINIST PIGS -
Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture

Haha.. Incidentally, I was talking to my colleague recently about Pre-Modernism, Modernism and Post-Mordenism social constructs.

Admittedly, I was deeply impressed. She's one of the few people who actually impressed me by giving me a deeper insight into the various schools of thought.

Ok. So what does FEMALE CHAUVINIST PIGS have to do with Pre, and Post Modernism?

For the first time in my life, I stumbled across a special social construct called :
Pre Feminism
Feminism and
Post Feminism.

So, according to her, different generations live in different eras of feminism.

Pre Feminism : The school of thought where ALL FEMALES ARE EQUAL. Without any less purpose, mental or physical ability as compared to their male counterparts.

Feminism : The school of thought where FEMALES ARE GENERALLY BETTER then their male counterparts, in terms of purpose, mental and physical ability.

Post Feminism : (ultimate) The school of thought where MALES ARE COMPLETELY USELESS, in a world where the utopia is complete female dominence - in terms of sexual reproduction, exploitation, and mental ability.

I was like. wow.

Thats dangerous isn't it? For guys at least?

Post Feminism is a dangerous "progression" of social constructs.

However, lets look at the recent social constructs from the side of the guy.

Pre-Machosism
Machosism
Post-Machosism

We all know what Machosism means, i presume. Haha.

Pre-Machosism : The school of thought where MALES ARE COMPLETELY DOMINENT, in terms of physical and mental strenght, with more purpose then their female counterparts.

Machosism : The school of thought where MALES ARE EQUAL in terms of physical and mental strength, with the need to prove to their female counterparts their ability for domination.

Post-Machosism : The school of thought where MALES ARE EQUAL, however, there is a need to give way to their female counterparts, in terms of sensitivity, emotional quotion and physical strength.

Notice the downward spiral of guys in society?

Haha, to put it in harsher terms, guys are letting the girls win. Without proving to them like in the past.

Soon, girls would most likely be the dominent figure in every family, society and country.


oh wow. maybe at that time, the straight guys will actually wake up and realize that sometimes, its better for the guy to do his part by taking the front line.


Female Chauvinist Pigs.

wahahahaha. I shall remember that very clearly in my mind.

YOU FCP!!! (aka. Final Cut Pro, aka Female Chauvinist Pig, aka. Fish and Chicken Pie)


nvm. I'm being lame.


shoot. didnt look at the time properly, got to rush for another film shoot at Paragon!

(its the little drummer boy at orchard called Ethan, who's extremely cute and smart!)

Reflections of Thoughts

Oh, and one more thing, I should never tolerate my other half's parents disapproval of me. Worse if they know nothing about my existence. That makes me doubt my other half. And to me, everyone's parents are very important and if they don't like me, I don't want to waste my time pacifying them and letting them know that I'm the loving child anyone would have. That should be my other half's responsibility to 'long ago have secured his or her parents' trust and faith in them; the decisions they make'.

- Maia Lee, Star Blogger

SuPerstar Fever.

guess who isn't the only one who wants to rise to SuPerstar stardom =P
haha. Cheers to all the Timothy Foos around

I'm pissed. I'm feeling really pissed.

How about I turn down an invitation from you next time?

How about you're 20 meters away from me and I walk away?

Oh. I forgot.

You NEVER ask me out.

You NEVER initiate any activity.

You NEVER do anything.


Pissed?

Hell yeah.


I feel damm used. USED.

So just because you told your dad you're coming home you just leave.

So just because you have one freaking report to do you can't even wait for ONE minute to meet me.


Spontaniety? My foot.


I dont even know what I did to deserve such a treatment.


I told you. If you love me, prove it. PROVE IT.

again, PROVE IT!!!!!


I can feel everything stopping.

You're always uncertain about the future,
You're always living for the present.
You're always doing things base on your mood.

When EVER for once, can you think of me?


I was already feeling really sick of the achievers conference.
Something that I worked so hard and couldnt even get ONE certificate.


nothing.




NOTHING.




NOTHING




you have no idea how frigging pissed I am.

No. I doubt you'd even care.


Go do your fucking report that would not even make you wait for 1 minute to send you home.

If you're busy, I'm BUSIER.

Of stuffs that I really wanna do.

Ok. This is bad. I've eaten Carl's Jr. TWICE in seven days.

Terrible! Thats the caloric equivalent of 6 Macdonald meals! Frightening.
Can someone forbid me from going to that place for the next 1 month?

I think I'm going to just eat fruits the whole day today.

sigh...

School has started for Singapore Polytechnic, and Dominic is back at Dover.

Far. Far. Away.

His examinations are coming up soon, which means that we can't meet up much.
After his examinations, I will be away in Thailand.

When I return from Thailand, it will be Chinese New Year. Both of us will have to visit relatives and stuff..

After Chinese New Year, Dominic has his internship attachement as well.

How on earth can we even meet up?

He stays so far away, I feel guilty everytime I ask him to go to town.

and I can't possibly go to his house area everytime... its really boring, and extremely far from my house...


By nature, I'm a planner... I stretch out my timetable for months, and I calculate the time I can spend on everything meticulously. (even blogging).
sigh. =/

I wanna join the national dragon boat team...

but practice is on Saturday... and I always have band practices on Saturday...

sigh.

I wanna go out with Dominic on Fridays.... but he always has work on Friday...

sigh.

I wanna go Sentosa and suntan on an afternoon... but every single afternoon in my week is occupied.

sigh.

I wanna learn hip hop dancing and advance break dancing... but I just dont have the time..

I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO DO ANYTHING I WANT!!!

I'M SICK OF MAPLESTORY AND DOTA!! (even though my bone fletch is undisputedly good.)

I WANNA DO SOMETHING I LIKE!!! for once...

for once, in fact, I found out a group-sports that I really, really like alot. Which is hip-hop dancing.
Basically, for those who know me, I've never been a sucker for big game sports.

I do play soccer and basketball. but not an exceptional fan.

I swim, play waterpolo, but (now) not an exceptional fan.

I canoe and kayak. individually.
I swim. individually.
I gym. individually.

I want some time... to do something i like!!

jeez. I regret not joining hip-hop dance club in SP. =/

Tired.

I'm tired... really tired... of everything...

I think I need a break from church... like a really REALLY long break...

firstly, to settle some of my own stuffs...

and to actually FIND some time in my entire week to rest...


I have NO life. NO life at all.

Monday - Friday = WORK
Sat = Church
Sunday = Church + WORK

wth??

I find even looking at my schedule disgusting nowadays...

Somebody save me.

Stress is an understatement.
Students complain about stress, yup. Its definately a form of stress, no less then work.
But I realize that working stress affects you in a different way.

Students have something to look forwards to (I.e. Long breaks, weekends etc.)

Working adults have NOTHING. absolutely nothing.
Apart from the meagre 9 days of holidays allocated randomly throughout the year, it is just a bleak horizon of WORK, WORK and MORE WORK.

Even doing fun stuff loses its color after awhile. Everything fades from neon to dull, to sepia then greyscale... then everything is in tattered black and white.

You give a twitch of your eyebrow when you get free concert tickets and you yawn when you meet superstars.


Maybe I can treat my daily gym sessions as a form of anticipation...

Recently, I've been building on mass like nobody's business... and.. hmm.. been seeing alot of positive results...

who knows, I might defy physiological design and become a mesomorphic!

hmm..

The gym sessions really pay off, the amount of strength I have gained is exponential.

I can actually rip a pair of jeans apart with my bare hands now.


yaay. Maybe I can reach my ideal body before I enter army.

haha

=)

*grins*

just for personal amusement.. haha

Your Nightmare, My Reality.

Recently, I've been having nightmares...
Not really just one nightmare per night, but a series of nightmares per night...

Usually, when I wake up the next morning, I'd forget everything on purpose. But when it goes on for several days in a row (*you know it intuitively)...

These nightmares are not the normal "I scare you, you die, you wake up" type of nightmares.... but things that are based on fluctuations in reality, as though an alter in reality would cause this cascede of events to happen...

So, to Richard... That nightmare that you experienced, is not something that individually happened to you, but was MY dream... some time ago...

It was my choice to ignore it... but when you wrote it down, it came back like a clear flashback...


As most of you know, I have the ability to alter my dreams into whatever I want, as long as I can control myself...
But, when I'm caught in doing something in a blur of emotions, or in a dillema, the dream just plays with or without me controlling it..

And thats what happened.

- house on the hill, I choose to sleep and wake up in the dream -

I wake up in rage... I only knew anger, hate, malice, spite and most of all, vengence... You all seperated me from the person I love, claiming that you did it for my own good...
I felt strength coursing through my body... I realize that this is not the present "me" because I could punch a dent metal doors as I stomped out of the lift...

Everybody was there... showing mocking looks of concern, like as though people at church truly cared.
What would they know about my love for a guy that they don't even know?

I pushed down the metal cabinet, and grabbed the metal pole. I swung it, and hit the wall. I saw something better. A knife.

I asked once. "What did you do?"
then i screamed and hit my "best friend" in the jaw before slashing him across the face.

All the girls ran to the corner. I couldn't care.

Nicholas tried and stop me, I flung him off like an insect. One by one everyone came, and I hit, stabbed and manuvered until I came to someone.
I couldnt even see properly coz everything was blur.

When I looked down, I realize that I actually killed Dominic in my rage...

Left and right was my best friends, Simon and Haryanto... they were lying in a pool of blood...

I fainted and everything went black...


I only wanted to die...



Does this explain your dream clearer?
This is just a summary...

It happened a long time ago... like last month...

But your entry triggered back an explosion of memories....


Frankly, my faith is extremely unstable... to the point of giving up everything...

I don't know who to trust, what to do or what is right or wrong anymore...

I just want to slam my door and turn my back on everything and everybody.... and hide in one corner and become invisible...


I don't know why you're a spectator in my dream, or why you're there... but all I know is that... something is wrong...


......



I know I'll never do something like that in reality, but I already feel a growing distrust and dislike for some people in the church....

I always feel like I'm truly not one of "them".

I call them friends, when I don't even know what is going on...

You all can never understand the conflicting feelings that keep raging within me everytime I enter church...

A homosexual christian?



I don't want people to feel ashamed about having me as a friend already.

worse, I dont want them to feel ashamed about having me as an enemy...

Haha... All SB and DMC students should know this by heart... =D

A Professor at one of the Universities was explaining marketing concepts
to the Students:-

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. Marry him." - That's Advertising

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her
telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." - That's Telemarketing

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten
your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her,pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then
say: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" - That's Public Relations

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and
says: "You are very rich! Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand recognition

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
- That's Customer Feedback

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - That's demand and supply gap

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you
say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry
me?" and she goes with him - That's competition eating into your market
share

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you
say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - That's restriction for entering new markets.


haha =)

My Answer is No.

Guess what?... Dominic's parents read my blog...

And, Dominic's dad wants me to remove Dominic's picture from my blog...

Just like how he made Dominic erase his blog.

Just like how he made Dominic erase his pictures.


I guess, my answer this time is no.


Apart from the fact that my blog is my personal space, it is a manifesto of my feelings, emotions, thoughts and most of all... life.

Erasing his picture holds true to erasing him from my life...

As much as you want me to erase him from my life, and as much as you want him to erase me from my life. I will not.

What did I even do wrong?...
What did he even do wrong?

I can find no other logical explanation for your recent course of actions that you impose on Dominic apart from the fact that you're trying to deny the world the truth that your son is gay.

Are you embarressed? or even ashamed?

I'm not an alcoholic,
I'm not a drug-addict,
I'm not a gangster,
I'm not mentally deficient.

I am a person with defined moralisitic values.

Are you scared I'll influence him negatively?

I doubt there could be anyone who could influence him more positively.



You know what I'm really scared of?

I'm scared of you.

In your course of actions, you're destroy his memories and ruining friendships.

yes, merely by deleting the blog, you've successfully erased 2 years of referential memories...

what glory is there in that?

Its like planting a bomb in the national museum...

If you even click on his old blog address, the Blogger webmaster actually randomized it to external links, turning it into a pornographic site.

ironically, a pornographic site with pictures of females.


What do you gain?


By nature, I'm a pragmatic person. Complementing the completely irrational nature of Dominic. That is the reason why he followed blindly without realizing the repercussions.

He's 18 years old...

Isn't it time that you let him decide what is best for him?

Isn't it about time that you let another person care for him in a different way then you can?

If you can still remember what it is like when you first met your wife, you'd agree with me that your parents do not control your decision...

Likewise, Dominic loves me.

And by a far greater extent, I love Dominic.


Just remember that by doing all these, you'll only cause Dominic to hold on tighter to me...

but its sad... when i keep telling him that his parents are very important in maintaining the relationship...




how much more do you want?

I won't delete my blog, apart from the reason that he is part of my life now.

That my blog is one of the top 100 in Singapore,
That my blog has clocked 40,000 visitors.

most of all, my blog is my memories.

nope. I wont alter my memories.




I know that once you have read this, we will most likely be enemies for a long time. You would hate me even more, knowing that I have some control over your son's life.

Just know one thing. That you can't be by his side forever, and when that time comes, I WILL be the one to prove to you who can.



sorry.

I REsolve to.....

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Other then the fact that I had to go to work on New Years Day, everything is a-okay.

Never imagined I would still be with my dear after the past nightmarish month...

Well, life goes on, and its time to make my NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS!!

well. 10 goals. Ain't too much is it?

1) Get solid GOLD for NAPFA/IPPT.

2) Get into (at best) Naval Diving Unit, or Commandos, OR Officer Cadet School. I will not settle for anything less.

3) Get my complexion close to flawless, or at least make it alot better.

4) Get into Dominic's parent's good books

5) Get my abs, six-pack. Eight if possible.

6) Master Adobe Premier, at least to the same standard as Final Cut Pro.

7) Redesign my wardrobe

8) Clear my study cabinet and desks of notes, file them and archieve them for later references

9) Try and get a jumpstart on dermatology

10) Get Clara to take over for a period of time on the synthesizer.


I, Andrew, hereby resolve to fulfill the aforesaid to the best of my effort. And in doing so, I will bear in mind that each an every goal will have a serious impact on my life.


sigh, this year will be a really wierd year for me.
I'd most likely be going into army around late July or August.

I'd finish my internship on 26 of January. Which gives me approximately 5 months to do something that I really want to do.

Because, this 5 months will most likely be the last "long term" holiday I'll ever have in my life.

Yeah. Sad, but true.

sigh.

I really REALLY REALLY want to go into the Naval Diving Unit...
I don't care how tough or hard the training is, nor how much risks are there to take, or how exhausted I would be at the end of the day...

To be in the Navy "Seals" is something that I always wanted to be...

but, considering my eyesight.... sigh...

Its like a little kid dreaming of becoming a pilot. Of taking to the air...

I dream of breaking the waves and exploring the sea...


Dreams. always dreams..

But there's always commandos! Ha! That will be a mark in my millitary achievements!


Hmm... If you've known me long enough, I'm somebody who cannot stand doing something which will not make a prominent mark on my life.


urgh. jeez. I sound like an overcompetitive pefectionist loser.


anywayz, I got the day off tmr, (incidentally, its a public holiday!)... err.. does anybody wants to date me out?

.. since Dominic is throwing me in the corner, alone and lonely with nobody to go out with....

=/